Christina Ray: Being ok is perfectly normal
Well, it’s interesting isn’t it, that a year full of things I never expected to see in my lifetime has taught me so much! What has 2020 taught me exactly?
1: I have a serious introverted side! Who knew?
I was the woman who was hustling in the public world before the pandemic brought everything to a halt. Standing on stage with a microphone, leading a crowd, event after event after event was my everyday life. I thought I would lose it having my life change so much but by the end of the first week I was already embracing the quiet, realizing I needed a break and finding new hobbies I could do alone. Not only was I doing new things, but I was loving them too!
2: Rose colored glasses are not realistic to wear every day.
I took some serious pride being the woman with the big smile. I loved people loving me and seeing the good in everybody and everything (except spiders). I never took time to just sit in my funks, I would push and push to get out of feeling bad. It was easier to just be happy in public. 2020 has taught me that not being ok is perfectly normal. I had a lot of down time to really sort through my negative feelings and get to the bottom of some issues I had packed away.
3: Family and friends are what matter most.
Once I got over my need to be alone (which let’s be real, lasted for like 6 months of this pandemic) I was craving human contact with my friends and family. I remember one visit to Saskatchewan where I finally got to see a few of my closest friends and family members. I left that visit with my cup SO FULL! My heart was honestly bursting. That moment there was my turning point. The moment to realize that no matter what is happening in this world, there is a need to connect with those that you love the most. Whether virtually or in person - when allowed again, we need to make a point to take time out of our busy schedules and remember what makes this life so special.
4: I am crafty!
I knew I was creative, and the boyfriend and I have been working on home reno’s since we’ve known each other but this year we got serious. We decided to leap into a small side business of making all sorts of wooden items to sell. I never would have thought I’d trust myself with scissors, glue and paint to create something to sell to others but once I did, I was unstoppable.
Side note: You can follow us on Insta and YouTube @ The Beautiful and The Bearded!
And lastly 2020 taught me that
- I’m not sure I loved myself or had as much confidence as much as I thought I did.
This one hurts to even type. I was always preaching about confidence and flaunting what you got but 2020 changed me. I’ve been less active than I’d like, I’ve eaten more carbs and some days I don’t even look in the mirror. This light, a beacon of self-love that I was shining on myself went out one day and I didn’t even realize it until recently. I was angry, crabby, jealous, bloated, ungrateful and all the things I’ve never been. As per number 2, I went away recently. Not physically but down into exactly what I was feeling. I said it aloud, admitted my light was out. I needed to get it back. So, I journaled, I did yoga, in my private moments – I cried. I started doing things for me again. I spoke to my mirror and looked myself directly in my own eyes and said “I need to start loving you. For you.” I took more selfies, I looked at myself and my body more often. I had to and am still constantly working to change my narrative towards my own body from “disgust” to “strong” or “healthy”.
I am fighting and my light has been reignited. I don’t want it to go out again, but I know I have the tools to help bring that brightness back quicker if it does.
I am not who I was when 2020 started. I’ve grown, I’ve battled, I’ve changed. For better and for worse and that’s ok! I’m looking forward to 2021 and the new lessons I’ll learn, and I think I’ll take a bit of 2020 with me.
And checkout how great Christina looks in my designs when she modelled for me The Gallery